Many years ago, Robert Fulghum wrote a huge best-seller titled, "All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." It was wonderful and people (me included) still quote favorite parts of it. However, if you attended Sacred Heart Grade School as I did, everything you needed to know had to wait for Second Grade. Second Grade served as the microcosm of my entire eight year experience at Sacred Heart. Maybe, the microcosm of all twelve years of my Catholic education. Or, and I'm afraid this may be the true one...my entire life.
In addition to the requisite Reading, Writing and Arithmetic everyone learns at some point in their educational life, Sacred Heart Grade School second-grade curriculum included the following:
1: First Confession
2: First Communion
3: Death is Right Beside you
4: The Communists will be here Soon
I suppose it's best to take these four subjects in order, although you need to know that #1 may tie in with #3. #4 may show up in #1, #2 and #3. And, #2 will get very short shrift. With that out of the way, let's see where this takes us.
I was six years old when I walked into Sacred Heart's second grade classroom, but I did turn seven in mid-October. Plenty old enough to realize that life was precarious and full of the dreaded "Occasions of Sin." If I didn't want to burn in Hell for all eternity, I'd better be aware of them. An "Occasion of Sin" could be a person, a place, or a thing. For example, my best friend could be an Occasion of Sin, but it was more likely that Frosty Gilbert would be my downfall because he made funny jokes, and talked back to the teacher, and pretended to fall out of his desk, and you just couldn't help but laugh even though you were in the classroom. And that, of course, was a sin.
Perhaps not a sin that would send you directly to Hell if you happened to be run over on your walk home for lunch but, certainly, a sin that would require time in Purgatory. Be aware that even if you go to Heaven, you must burn off your sins in Purgatory before you're allowed in. No matter whether you're relatively good or terribly bad, you will burn when you die--but, I hoped for Purgatory as I imagined those fires were a little less intense than the glowing brimstone of Hell.
As we began to study for our First Confession, we were given little blue booklets which contained general directions for Confession, plus a listing of sins we might have committed up to that point in our life. Venial Sins--those that did not send you directly to Hell in a Handbasket--were printed in regular style. (Like this)
MORTAL SINS WERE PRINTED IN CAPITAL LETTERS. CAPITAL LETTERS INDICATED THAT YOU WOULD GO DIRECTLY TO HELL, YOU WOULD NOT PASS "GO," AND YOU WOULD NEVER RETURN. THE ROAD TO HELL WAS A ONE-WAY ROAD. YOU WOULD BURN AND SCREAM IN AGONY FOR ALL ETERNITY. THERE WAS NO END. IF YOU HAD COMMITTED A SIN THAT WAS PRINTED IN CAPITAL LETTERS (LIKE THIS) YOU SHOULD--VERY CAREFULLY--GET YOURSELF TO A PRIEST AND CONFESS. BUT, LOOK BOTH WAYS TWICE IF YOU HAVE TO CROSS A STREET TO DO IT.
Because we were reminded daily that we could die at any moment, both Purgatory and Hell were as real to me as if their entry-doors were adjacent to our classroom. Whereas, Purgatory would most likely be simply labeled as "Purgatory," Hell would include: "Abandon Hope all Ye Who Enter Here." I shuddered every time a door slammed.
I did mention "eternity" a paragraph or so back. The nuns were fond of telling us that in order to understand eternity we must imagine the beach at an ocean with its tiny grains of sand. If we picked up one grain of sand every hundred years, by the time we had cleared off all the beaches of all the world it would still be the first minute of the first morning of the first day of eternity. It was a long time to burn.
Every night I went to bed knowing that I could die at any moment ("If I die before I wake...") and knowing that if I was lucky enough to avoid Hell, I would still have years in Purgatory. It didn't matter what I did. Fire was the end result. But wait! What if I just didn't sin? Just lived a life with no sin...ever? "Impossible," declared the nuns. No one (except God himself) could live a perfect life. Burning is inevitable. I think I could even spell "inevitable" in second grade. I know I could spell Purgatory.
Another thing about Confession and sin: It is very hard to go to any length of time without sinning, which means one must make frequent visits to the Confessional Booth. Because one must be in the State of Grace to receive Communion, it is best to keep Confession and Communion very close together. We made our First Confessions on a Friday morning in April, and our First Communions the following Sunday. It was a long and tense weekend--what with avoiding sin and undergoing a Toni home permanent all on the same day.
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