MUMPS

This little gem...one of the few that actually had a date attached, was written in November 1972. As of today, that would be 47 years ago. I'm not even going to say...'where did the time go?' because I know exactly where it went. It just, over the long haul, went faster than I had expected it would. That may become an echo you keep hearing, so bear with me. Becoming 75 makes a person (every now and then) feel just a bit uncertain/happy/lucky/scared and/or etc... I'm trying to stick with lucky and happy. They're the best!

"A couple of weeks ago when Kristi announced she had a sore face, stiff neck and expected the mumps, I wasn't too alarmed. It was fall, and because of summer re-runs she had witnessed numerous symptoms, ailments and treatments--so that, thanks to Dr. Welby, instead of tummy aches, she had ulcers; when she was tired she feared pernicious anemia; and, when Mickie cried about getting a shot, she shouted, 'It's better than having an IV, so shut up.'

During the day the symptoms persisted, but my original prognosis (sleeping on her neck wrong) held strong.

On the way to a business dinner that evening Darrell asked, 'Do you suppose she's got the mumps?'

'No possible way,' I answered. 'Nobody at school has the mumps, none of the relatives. There's absolutely no way she could get them. Nobody in town has them.'

'Well, somebody's got to start them,' he answered.

'She slept on her neck wrong,' I said.

At the dinner I described her symptoms to four mothers, who immediately came to the joint conclusion that  it was mumps.

'No way,' I said. 'No one's got them.'

When we got home, the babysitter announced she'd put Kristi to bed and then asked, 'Has she ever had the mumps?' 

'No way,' I muttered.

The next morning Kristi woke up with a 104 degree temperature and swelling on the right side of her face. I called the doctor who right away asked, 'Has she ever had the mumps?'

'You're kidding,' I answered. 'Nobody's had them for her to catch.'

'Somebody has to start them,' he said.

So, we set up a sickroom, started pushing aspirin, promoted grape juice and called everyone she might have exposed. They offered sympathy, asked if the other kids had them, asked if I'd had them and proceeded to tell me about a friend, or a friend of a friend--so now I've heard:

1: A lady had the mumps as a child. She was in bed three weeks and gave them to her mother who was in the hospital six weeks.

2: A friend had a light case, gave them to her mother who gave them to her father, and he needed a special nurse for three months.

3: My own mother-in-law had been around mumps all her life, got them when her youngest was 16 days old, then promptly gave them to her mother who nearly died.

Denise's immediate reaction to Kristi's mumps was acute embarrassment and orders to Mickie: 'Don't tell anyone she's got the mumps.' 

When Mickie came home last Monday and said she had told Kristi's best friend, Denise screamed, 'The whole school's gonna know about it.'

Then, on Wednesday, Mickie asked if she could tell the dance teacher about Kristi's dilemma. Denise slapped the side of her head and moaned, 'Oh my gosh, the whole town's gonna know.'

And maybe she had a point.

Kristi was down for nine days and during that time I didn't get out of the house except to empty trash and pick up the newspapers. I had a touch of cabin fever and wanted company. Then a friend called and offered to run errands for me. I answered, 'No errands, but how about coming over for a cup of coffee?'

'Are you kidding?' she yelled, and hung up.

Darrell talked a friend of his into helping him "hot wire" our acreage. When Monroe walked in, I asked: 'Hey--ever had the mumps?'

He mumbled 'My God,' turned pale and walked out the door.

And, the stigma remains. Yesterday I went to the beauty shop and as I opened the door, Joanie met me with a sterile mask and ordered, 'Wear this and don't breathe the whole time you're here.'

 And so, we survived the trauma of the mumps. Having dated my copy of this little piece, I also know now when we bought the farm...sometime before November 7, 1972. I'd been trying to remember the year, but I was afraid '72 was too soon, but it wasn't. Not only had we purchased our 320 acres in partnership with Monroe, but (per this article) we were expecting cattle and needed a fence. Your father was a mover. For sure.

August 2, 2019