SOME OF US NEED A CHAPTER TWO

In reality, I had never been on my own before. I know I'd spent three years at Kansas State, 200+ miles from home, but college in those days was as closely chaperoned and even more tightly regulated than life on Oak Street. One received a college degree only because of a strict regard for study hours, daily compliance with closing hours, participation in required activities and perfect class attendance. Oh wait! Maybe that was just the Kappas. Freedom of any sort was frowned upon and short-lived.

So, when I found myself navigating that little red Volkswagon, through the hills and valleys of Nebraska, wending my way from Windom, MN, to Dodge City, KS, I had no idea what the future might hold. I was realizing that, in my case, "on my own" included a young daughter and a wayward dog. I lacked both money and a job--two necessities I would need to address immediately. And, housing. Lord, I nearly forgot housing. I quickly added another line to my mental list. I had a car--by virtue of the fact I had simply taken it that morning, along with both sets of keys. And, lest you think that was terribly selfish, I also took the payment book which, unfortunately, still contained way too many coupons.

I know my Mother's heart sank when I pulled up in front of the house. The worst had happened to her and I understood that...after a period of time. She dropped many of her social activities because of the embarrassment my return had caused but, in all honesty, I wasn't the first daughter divorcee in her group of friends nor, was I the last. But I was her divorcee and that made all the difference.

I'm surprised I had had the practical sense to gather up all of my legal papers before I left. So, after visiting Don Smith, the local attorney, to begin divorce proceedings (it would take nearly eight months), I applied for a teaching job with USD 443, and began the hunt for quality child-care. That was the gut-wrenching one. I did not want my child in day-care, but I knew it had to be. I would choose the best, no matter what, and, after some scary searches, I did...thanks to my new friend Sydney. She led me to Mrs. Boles, a childcare provider who, blessedly, had an opening and I was satisfied. Knowing that Mrs. Boles was really Mrs. Dr. Boles, Pediatrician, gave me some peace of mind, but didn't for a single minute assuage that sinking feeling I had every morning when I walked Mickie into that house. I feared I had ruined her, but I was choosing the lesser of two evils and this seemed to be it.

I wouldn't have chosen to teach at Wilroads Gardens School, but they had the opening and, after the interview I was offered a job teaching Sixth Grade. I took it. The commute to Wilroads was just a few miles each way. Exactly enough time to gird my loins for the morning and relax just a bit for the evening, while I puffed on one cigarette each way... Perfect.

Now that I had a job, I rented an apartment that was surprisingly nice. Probably as nice as one could get in Dodge City. Northbriar Apartments. Ours was on the middle-floor of the one-bedroom unit and had a balcony that overlooked the swimming pool and the parking lot. I loved that balcony and spent as much time there as possible. I borrowed Grandma's two red butterfly chairs, dragged them out to that  perfect spot and believed I'd found heaven. Except for the down days when I'd scrunch into one of those same red chairs and sob. There were a lot of tears, and a lot to cry about, but it wasn't always that way.

There was no doubt my world had fallen apart...into quite a few sharp-edged pieces, but it was better than it had been. And better was all I needed. I could cope with better, I could grow with better, I could Mom with better. I thanked God for better. Despite the heartbreaks all around, I think we did all right. I'm hesitant to say I'm proud of me at that point...so I'll just say I held it together with minimal breakdowns. And that's sometimes as good as it gets.

That said...I must acknowledge just how easy retrospect can be.  Today, I know that everyone involved in this break-up lived a much better life than they would have if we had stayed together. It doesn't always work so nicely but, (Thank You, God) within a few years, Terry married Jerri, the perfect wife for him. Patrick's arrival a few years later was a beautiful bonus for them both. Grandma got to meet and fall in love with Darrell and Denise and Kristi...just as much as she loved Mickie. And, a few years after that, Michael made his appearance, and our little family was complete and perfect. We were (as Michael would have said) very 'wucky'.

January 5, 2017